HONESTY: Sometimes saying what needs to be said is hard and hurtful, but we owe it to those we love to say what needs to be said. What do you need to communicate to heal the current situation? Pluck up the courage today to say it from a place of love.

I chose the above card because it comes up time and time again for everyone I know, including myself. So often we have “issues” that we want to clear up with others, but don’t know how or when to do it appropriately. Then, the longer we wait, the worse it gets, often to the point of the all-consuming fear that it will hurt them, or us, or both, or we will be abandoned or ridiculed for our feelings. This all adds up to leave us sitting tight-lipped and saying nothing, but simmering (boiling?) at some level beneath the calm exterior.

It is so much easier to keep the status quo just as it is. Yet what is the cost of this often cowardly option of saying nothing?

Without deep transparency and honesty, each person in the equation is usually making huge assumptions about the other and how they will react, and this game creates an endless roller coaster ride to isolated hell. You absolutely owe it to yourself and your loved ones to make the time and take the effort to keep inter-personal communication channels open, clear and alive.

Practical exercise
There is one overriding suggestion for effective communication. It is vital to lace all communication with a degree of compassion. Just like you, the other person has feelings, fears, doubts and wounds. Tread carefully and tenderly as you find ways to express yourself.

IMMEDIATE: If there is something specific that is bothering you that requires some honesty, I challenge you to remedy the situation within the next 24 hours. Pluck up the courage to speak your feelings asap.

ON-GOING: For partners - Create a new, positive habit through scheduling regular “clearing time”. This could be over dinner, or once a week at pre-determined time slots. Whilst this may seem weird to begin with, it offers both parties some contained and designated time to bring up anything that may be troubling you. It creates an intention for both listening and being heard. The regularity really works; you are both coming to that “date” with the same intention of creating honest communication to keep your relationship healthy and vital.

So whilst you are busy thinking what to say to you-know-who, remember to say it honestly and with very generous doses of compassion.

Kate uses Self Coaching Cards as a trigger for simple solutions to shift your stuff. To order your own pack now, contact her directly on 082 341-3143 or email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or visit www.lifecoaching.co.za

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