It is said that when people start a new job, they join a company. But when they leave, they usually leave a boss- to the tune of six out of ten resignations, if the stats are to be believed.

I know that whenever I tell people this, they pause, reflect on their last "leaving", and then nod thoughtfully. You're probably doing the same right now - nodding thoughtfully.

This kind of changes the game in the world of "bosses". I think there is a major case of denial of this fact amongst bosses themselves. We remember leaving bosses ourselves in the past, but can't really believe that people would leave us - would they? But the fact is that bosses are one of the major factors in staff retention in companies today, a role that very few managers are really prepared to take accountability for.

So I'm going to say it here and now, in case there is still some confusion about this: if you are a manager of people in your company, then you will play a MAJOR part in their decision-making about whether they stay or leave. Every cent that a company invests in ramp-up time, recruiting, upskilling, and development of the people that report to you hangs in the balance of how well you are able to do your management job.

I know you think I'm being a bit brutal about this, but I really believe it! I'm a manager too. And not only a manager, but a business owner. I see the numbers every month: I know that human capital is a critical part of my business, and I know what it costs to keep my people on the edgy side of our industry. Any time I lose a staff member it not only costs me a huge amount in getting someone new up to speed, but also future revenues from what that person would have been able to produce given their depth and years of experience. So you can imagine: ever since I realized how much impact I, as a boss, can have on my people retention, I've been learning everything I can to lift my own management game.

Last year our company went through one of the most difficult times of our 11 years of life: for an impossible 10 months running, we had such awful cash flows that we were unable to pay everybody's salary on time, and sometimes not at all. You would have expected a slow trickle of leavers within the first couple of months, followed by a larger, en-masse bolt for the door after a couple more. Instead the Avos stood solid, anchored together by bonds forged much tighter than a guaranteed paycheck at the end of the month.

We did not lose a single person through all that time! Now that our tough times have turned, and we are in a thriving space again, our team is reveling in our hard-won success, and all the richer for it! I know how hard my partner, Elaine Sampson, and I worked at people retention during that time. And I know that the loyalty that our team showed during that time was earned because of how seriously we take our role as managers of people.

Thinking about our management role during that time, I am reminded of one of the images one of our team trainers, Tracy Scott, gave me. She said that it felt as if we were all on a tiny ship in a huge thunderstorm, way out at sea. The wind was howling, the skies thundering, and the waves, like mountains, threatening to crash down onto us on every side. And she saw me at the helm, calmly holding onto the ship's wheel, steering our way through the water. She said it was that picture of me that gave the whole team courage to stay on the ship and see out the stormy weather. And when she put it like that, it was kind of hard to duck the accountability!

I know that it's often under pressure that our most transformational lessons are learned. And the last year can definitely be deemed my personal "coming of age" year in the arena of managing people. Here are some of the lessons I learned:

Don't duck it: it's personal!

When you are someone's manager, you are in a relationship with this person. Period! Trying to manage people at arm's length and keep things "strictly business" robs both people of a potentially rich and rewarding journey. I'm not saying that you have to go away on family holidays together, or even get wrecked together at the pub on Friday nights! But I am saying that you have a relationship; and investing in that relationship goes a long way towards building a robust and generally happy workspace.

I try to have a personal connection with every person who works for me. It's hard. Acknowledging the personal connection takes much more emotional energy than arm's- length management. Life happens to people. Conflict creeps in. Resentment builds- even bitterness sometimes. Personal issues and assumptions cloud people's judgement. Arm's-length management ignores these issues and charges on regardless: "Suck it up and leave your issues at home!"

Of course, when these things creep into a marriage, and remain ignored for long enough, the marriage crumbles and the people walk away. There's no difference at work: people become more and more unhappy and disgruntled; their performance begins to slide, and eventually they move on. Everyone sighs in relief, and no-one counts the cost of the carnage left in their wake.

By acknowledging the relationship, an entirely different story can be told. In a relationship, both people are accountable. When all the issues arise, they can be addressed in courageous conversations that grow and enrich both individuals. The environment becomes more robust and built on trust. People's performance can be nurtured and stretched because the accountabilities go beyond roles and paychecks. Managers can get more in touch with people's strengths, goals and aspirations, and inspire and motivate their teams by helping them work in line with those. People become invested in one another and their workplace, and are much less likely to be lured by the first headhunter that comes along.

Take a look at yourself in the mirror

I've been working with a few coaches over the past few years. I have found it to be an incredible investment in myself. Each coach has held a mirror to me from a slightly different angle, and I have had to work hard at acknowledging my blind spots and becoming more self aware. I am SO much clearer about my role as a manager and boss. I know (mostly) when my own personal issues are getting in the way of enabling my people, and I am also becoming better at articulating those things in my conversations with my people.

I have realized that the work we do at Avo (helping people become more effective communicators) has not only had a huge impact on my own levels of emotional intelligence, but also on my awareness of the personal work I need to do. My most important insight is that the more connected I am to myself the more effective I am as a boss. This is the work of a lifetime, though. I recommend working in many different ways to develop these insights over a lifetime: read the books, attend the courses, have the conversations, employ the coaches (or therapists). The better you know yourself, the more effective a manager you will become.

Your job is to enable people

We are presently working on an incredible project: we are helping the new lottery operator, Gidani, launch the lottery. One of the elements of this project is an enormous training piece: we will need to train up to 30 000 people, nationally, on how to operate the new lottery terminals in 16 days! In those 16 days, we will deliver 759 actual training days, which would take a company the size of Avo 3-4 years to complete under normal circumstances.

There is not one person on this team, including myself, who has ever attempted such a mammoth task. The logistics and challenges in this thing are profound. It raises some important issues for me as the boss: the most important being that I don't actually know how to do it. Of course, I think I do, but that's beside the point: I could easily be wrong about that! My job has been to pick the key players in the team. People who also don't know how to do it, but people I'm confident are bright and resilient enough to figure it out and make it fly. I told them what needed to be achieved, but not how.

And then, I had to take a step back and let them figure it out. I had to remove my ego somewhat so that every time they asked me for a solution, I was wise enough to help them figure it out for themselves. Being closer to the detail, they were actually in a better position to make good decisions than me, but sometimes needed someone to help them stand back and review their position. My job was to facilitate that. Instead of disabling them by getting involved in the work itself (which is SO tempting), I had to enable them by helping them to access their own creative brilliance. I am constantly amazed at how quickly the people around me increase their stride when they can do that!

About the author: Jules Newton is the CEO of Avocado Vision, a company that helps people to communicate more effectively. She was recently named "Emerging Leader of the Year" by Unisa's school of Business Management. Avocado vision can be reached at (011) 614 0206, or www.avovision.co.za

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