Perhaps you will agree with me that God’s purpose in establishing the family unit was to provide a validating “safe-haven” where all members of the family could experience acceptance, appreciation, respect, freedom, care, discipline, forgiveness, physical provision, and emotional nurture.

For many this has been their experience, but sadly, for others very little of the above was experienced and often the very opposite occurred. The “sins of the fathers” can have a deep-searing effect on growing children, creating stunted and even dysfunctional emotional and mental consequences. Equally there are loving and caring parents who have tried their best, yet their children have gone astray, and gotten into all kinds of “stuff”, breaking their hearts.

Twisted childhood relationships can control our past and as a result they also control our future. Sexual abuse, or any form of physical abuse clearly is an obvious example, but there are those more insidious areas, for example where one child is made out to be more important and the other child is devalued, resulting in that child having a very bleak view of him or her self. Neglect, indifference, and pressure to perform can all create dysfunction. Divorce and adultery can sow the seeds of rejection and abandonment. Substance abuse of any form sows seeds of oppression, shame and despair.

The family can be a powerful witness to one’s life, but also a huge contributor to one’s struggle in life. Faith in God’s ability to heal “family wounds” is vital to any real release from family history. Counselling is important and helps a great deal, but for total release spiritual healing is essential.

Journalling
There is so much to be said on this subject and many practical starting points. Consider the following starting points and decide where you wish to start. Write about why you think this is the area you need to begin with:
• Carefully establish helpful boundaries
• Face family realities
• Try to focus more on the positives than the negatives
• Face any co-dependency issues on your part and work towards interdependency
• A readiness to forgive and willingness to be forgiven cannot be over-emphasized
• Avoid the temptation to blame, counterattack, defend yourself, or make excuses
• Remember God is your truest safe-haven, purest affirmer and most faithful protector

Prayer
Dear Lord,

There is so much pain and dysfunction in so many families, some wounds that never seem to heal. Through trusting You, there can be restoration and the re-establishing of healthy family relationships, and this is what you long for, for us. Help us to confess the sins of our family, and then let them go. Help us to establish healthy boundaries within our families, and teach us what true honour and respect for each other within in our immediate families and our extended families means. For anyone reading this article who has experienced destructive handling within the family, I pray for their spiritual, emotional and mental healing which comes only from You. Let family life become again one of those wonderful gifts of loving relationship which stems from You. Thank You for Your passion for us, Your commitment to us, Your endless patience and most of all for allowing us to be part of Your family.

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