 What values do you want to live and work by? Choosing your priorities and living in line with them is a key to truly living in your purpose.
One of my favourite stories is from a beautifully illustrated book called “Hope for the Flowers”. It’s all about a big-eyed caterpillar called Stripe. Stripe hangs out with his girlfriend Yellow, who is loving and kind. He feels bored with the way things are and wonders if there isn’t more to life. One day, Stripe sees some focussed crawlers who seem to have a big goal. Stripe finally sees a way to be somebody! He follows those who seem to have the answers and joins the mad scramble to the top of a massive caterpillar pillar. Apparently those at the top know the answer to success. Many crawlers die falling from their expedition as others clamber onto their heads to get higher. No one can look anyone in the eye as they pass. Stripe passionately fights his way to the top with focus, drive, and admirable grit. He fights the fact that he feels awful about himself most of the time with more focus and ruthlessness than is in his true nature. Stripe eventually reaches the top, only to realise that there are thousands of caterpillar pillars across the land! He is devastated. Back to square one.
I relate so much to this story as I think I have climbed a few pillars of my own! Following a pack to “success” most often leads to disillusionment, delusion and sometimes dementia! The thing I love about the story is that Stripe had to reach this place in order to surrender and start from ground zero! Eventually he surrenders and spins himself into a cocoon with no guarantees and huge fear. Stripe only then emerges as the butterfly he was designed to be. This means there is hope for us. Being authentic in your purpose often happens after much pillar crawling, game playing and inertia. Let’s cocoon a little and look at some areas that may put the real you back in the driver’s seat.
The Gift of Values
“To be independent of public opinion is the first formal condition to achieving anything great” – GWF Hegel
Choosing and living a life with personal values at the centre highly influences whether a person finishes the race of life strong and fulfilled, or spent and regretful. We are often so busy that we do not check in with our value compass. Stress is often an indicator that we are off course and living out of line with our values. Why is it that so many people hate their jobs and lives but choose ‘stuckness’ over freedom? Perhaps because what they truly find valuable has nothing to do with the way they are living and being. They are subscribing to values outside of their own.
It does take courage to stop, to check in with what you believe and stand for, and then to compare your current life state to your values. When last did you stop and check in with what and whom you find most valuable today? Regrets or bad choices often help us clarify what we believe by starting with what it is we don’t value. Feeling awful or fake is also a sure sign that your body, heart and mind may not want to invest in what you are doing!
Your talents and passions
I often ponder why we live to retire so that we can do more of what we love doing. By then our bodies and hearts have stiffened with misuse and neglect and we cannot remember to do the things we originally loved.
Making profit with your passion is indeed possible! It does require grit in the face of fear (as I discovered when I left the corporate world to pursue my passion).My soul lights up on a beach, when I dance, when I am in the presence of flowers and when I am around funny people. The list is endless. My soul also lights up when I practice and serve with my talents of listening and facilitating change, and catalysing solutions. In order to get more sunshine, identify when your soul lights up and do more of these things! People who practice at least some of their talents and passions in their work life tend to be more purpose-driven and fulfilled than those who simply see their job as a means to an end.
Complete this sentence at least ten times:
My soul lights up when…………… (You may need a few pages for this!)
How much are you practicing these talents in your life? What can you do to increase your sunshine quotient?
Surveying your skills
You have identified your values, talents and passions. Talents are natural, skills are learned. Skills and talents are the way you are likely to add value and generate income. Imagine you could practice your skills, passions and talents, still serve others and make a living!
The people who have done it started by imagining. Think back over your life experiences and write down every single skill that you have developed through work, play, hobbies and community involvement. Make a list of skills that you currently have. Which skills are you currently using and which would you like to use more of? To whom do you donate these skills? If you do not know, how can you actively donate one skill to a receiver today?
Service for the soul
“We are prone to judge success by the index of our salaries or the size of our automobiles, rather than the quality of our service and relationship to mankind.” Martin Luther King Jr.
I have done countless career assessments and coached many who crave more happiness and meaning in what they do. I notice that the common thread that seems to lead us to a greater sense of happiness is that of service.
Emerson says that you cannot help another without helping yourself. Perhaps you can also not truly help yourself without serving others. I have never really seen a person achieve greatness and personal fulfilment without serving others. The people who live longer and experience more lasting happiness have service built into their purpose. Power comes through service and sometimes self-sacrifice. What a paradox!
Check your service record
Service is about adding value to another’s welfare. Would the people whom you work live and play with, recognise recent acts of service that you have performed? In your lifetime, in what areas and with whom do you most want to serve? In your current work and home life, what opportunities to serve may you be missing?
The ability to really listen and pay attention to those around us is one way that we can serve others. When I am stressed and self absorbed I am literally “out of order”!
What do you wish others would give more of or share more of with you? What we want is what we need to give first. Plant the seeds of giving and watch your garden grow.
A last word about service: transparency of intent is the key. When we give to make another and ourselves happy without an expectation, we connect and are joyful in our serving. Sincerity breeds satisfaction. We often notice a lack of sincerity in our instant, high-tech, greed-driven boardrooms. A service mentality can change a whole culture.
Tangents that trap
Tangents may be the directions we take that detract from our authentic purpose. Detours may be the routes we take before we get back onto the planned route. Every tangent can teach you about yourself, but the danger of taking tangents is that you may never get to really doing and being what you believe. Tangents can take the form of:
• Procrastination – “One day” thinking. Being aware of this dangerous habit is important.
• Fear – of the unknown, of failure, of success. Being aware of the fear and acting in spite of it is the key.
• Living others’ values – challenge yourself and stand up for what you believe by acting.
• Self sabotage – the fear of failure or success precipitates this tangent. If I do succeed, it may not last or not be as a result of my effort, so I jump ship to confirm my belief.
Challenge these old beliefs and behave differently to re-pattern them.
Putting the parts together
If we keep asking questions, the chances of us moving from caterpillar to butterfly become greater. A childlike equation helped me to hold a few realities at one time.
Vision + Values + Skills + Talents x Service – Tangents = More Authentic, Purposeful Action.
Let’s commit to pursuing authenticity one day at a time. Being a woman living on purpose takes time and feminine feistiness. It certainly beats being a caterpillar that never gets to be a butterfly!
About the author: Andrea‘s passion is facilitating true organisational and individual transformation with integrity. She has used the platforms of coaching, leadership development, strategy and process facilitation and team effectiveness, to stretch and assist those in transition. Andrea left the corporate world after seven years to follow her passion and entrepreneurial spirit. She consults to organisations and individuals, encouraging difficult conversations and creative, measurable actions for change. To contact Andrea please email
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