The thought of negotiation fills many with anxiety – it is seen as a confrontational process, where one’s interests must be protected at all costs. Effective negotiation, however, can resolve conflicts and create a win-win situation.

“Your ability to negotiate, communicate, influence, and persuade others to do things is absolutely indispensable to everything you accomplish in life,” Brian Tracy, motivational coach and author, once said. Without the skills to negotiate the tough terrain of modern life, many end up trampled on, exploited, and confused. Whether you’re negotiating for a raise, trying to close a large sale, or even just trying to get your kids to bed, learning to negotiate is an absolutely vital skill applicable in most areas of your life.

The negotiation spectrum

There is a myriad of different ways to negotiate in life, but all negotiations fall into three different categories, which are determined by your values and the interest you have in the interaction you are having:

•  Concession: when you have a high consideration for others, or do not have much to lose in a negotiation, it could benefit you to concede your argument for the time being, creating a feeling of goodwill in your opponent as well as saving you energy and time.

•  Competition: when there is much at stake for you on the negotiation table, competing aggressively for your interests may be the best option. Avoid excessive aggression, coercion and intimidation, though: it makes you seem unprofessional.

•  Collaboration: in most cases, this is the desired outcome of a negotiation. The perfect balance between competition and concession usually yields a win-win situation, and should be striven for through shared values and equal compromise from both sides.

Some Dos and Don’ts

Although every negotiation will have unique characteristics and a specific style, there are a few basic rules for keeping things professional while getting your way:

Do:

•  Solicit the other’s perspective: when you know what is required of you, you can start to find middle ground.

•  Prepare options beforehand: knowing what is possible and what not streamlines the negotiation process.

•  Don’t argue: negotiation is about finding solutions, not proving a point.

•  Consider timing: sometimes, it can make or break a negotiation.

Don’t:

•  View the negotiation as a confrontation: it is through working together that the best solutions are reached.

•  Try to win at all costs: if you win, that implies that the other ‘loses’, which might create problems at a later stage.

•  Focus on personality instead of issues: effective negotiation is impossible when conflict turns personal.

•  Blame the other person: creating a tense situation is never conducive to finding a win-win situation, which is most desirable. Don’t put up blockades to understanding.

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