If there was absolutely no possibility of failure and you had all the courage you needed, what would you actually like to say to your parents, partner, children, boss, colleagues, old school bully, worst enemy, best friend?

What love and appreciation are you not expressing, what anger and hurt remains unsaid, which of your needs remain unvoiced? Are there moments when you wish you had spoken up for someone, for yourself, when you wished you had shared your ideas, feelings, pain, compassion, witty brilliance? Of course, we all have them, so let’s commit to learning real self-expression!

What do you believe?
Self + Expression, a vital combination for real human fulfilment; too often our beliefs constrain and prevent us from actually speaking our minds and hearts. As women we are well groomed in the art of staying silent, and the irony is that some of the loudest and most vocal of us feel the least heard or received. This is because it takes more than just being an extrovert to really speak our truth and really express our needs or perceptions - it takes the belief that we are not only allowed to do so, but we deserve to, and we are worth hearing.

Ask yourself the following and notice which questions jump up at you:

• Am I truly deserving of being heard and self-expressed?
• Am I capable of being self-expressed?
• Am I allowed to speak my mind irrespective of others’ disapproval or judgement?
• Would I be selfish if I expressed my needs more openly?
• Am I worth listening to?
• If I speak out, will I be shamed?

Have we not all heard the story of women who when attacked or abused, who felt unable, even in the direst moments, to scream or make a sound? A friend shared her experience of this with me recently and it struck me again, is it not insane that we are so dislocated from our right to speak that we can override our survival instincts in favour of holding back? Do we honestly have to learn to scream again? Is this not an awful complicity with the attacker? Yes, you may do this to me and I will not object! This is a very powerful example of what we do when we believe in suppressing our self-expression: we consent to be unimportant or “less than”.

Our voice
It is the primary tool for self-expression; it is the mode of transport our deepest longings, greatest joys, and bitterest angers chose to reach into the world and find witness.

It is also that thing we use, day in day out, to trundle us through work, home, and relationships. Without thought or care we call upon our voice to work for us, and when we do not hold the belief it can, we often remain silent.

So how can we develop the capacity to use our voices more dynamically, to find the pathway and the courage to begin to really speak our minds and hearts? Well, here are some simple exercises, and when you explore them, they may open up some valuable insights:

• Spend some time sitting quietly and just listening to what you feel. Set the intention to listen more to your heart and enter more deeply into communicating honestly with yourself, no matter how scary. It’s the first and most powerful step to doing it with others.
• Brainstorm, perhaps in a journal, all the things you would really like to say. Acknowledge what stops you and look for possible solutions or ways to overcome your fears.
• Explore who you would like to be if you had the courage. What would be the most inspiring and exciting aspect of yourself that you don’t, but could, share with the world?
• Set the intention to say one courageous and honest thing each day, no matter how small, they can grow.
• Allow yourself the real and committed recognition that speaking your truth is your right, no matter how others may seek to silence you with their disapproval.

The importance of being playful
Now begin to play! Play and play to your hearts content. What, play? Yes, with your voice! How?

Step 1
Start in private places like alone in the car or shower. Start practising speaking in voices of all your most favourite and inspiring people. How would Marlene Dietrich tell that gossip at work to get a life? How would Madonna express her grand idea? How would Oprah share her heart? How would Meryl Streep command respect? Practise, in your own space, speaking your truth. Let’s face it, this is not a foreign idea: how often do we go over and over in our heads what we should have said to so-and-so, but didn’t? This time you are practising what to do in the future, instead of the past!

Step 2
Throw in a delicious dollop of imagination. Tell your lover you want to be cherished in a warm, dark hot chocolate voice. Feel the sparkle and joy of sunlight dancing on the sea as you read your child a bedtime story. Enjoy the searing surge of crimson flames as you firmly object to another parental manipulation. Allow textures, temperatures, colours and shapes to infuse your voice with the qualities most suited to your message. There is nothing like twinkling silver satin sheens on cool starry silken veils or warm, sweet, honey-scented ripples of orange and swirling, cool expanses of turquoise mist to fill your voice with exactly what you need to speak your heart. Sounds like crazy talk? Most certainly, and then some more please!

Give yourself the permission to playfully, joyfully explore all the glorious and varied combinations of thought and feeling that can reflect through your imagination into your voice. It works, and before you know it that honey-scented orange will float out your mouth in that board meeting, or that sparkling mist of wit will delight at that dinner!

Take a small first step and just start by answering the phone as if your voice tasted of almonds and cinnamon, or greet your love in the morning from deep within a strawberry swirl! Each time we touch a feeling within, a true sense of ourselves, and honestly communicate it to the world, we celebrate the colours, textures and flavours of our uniqueness. So as you make your way through 2010, climb into your imagination and heart, and then open your mouth. Let your inner wealth and beauty inhabit your voice as you playfully meet the world, speaking your truth and honouring yourself through real self expression!

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