Visions of a step mom are often not very good, and usually involve thoughts of an ugly, controlling woman who only married for money and plans to ship the children off to boarding school. However, the reality is that in today’s society, with a divorce rate of nearly 50%, many of us find ourselves as the step mom.

This is not something you plan for. But when you fall in love, the love of your life often comes with some little people or teenagers from a previous marriage. This situation can be somewhat more challenging if you don’t have children yourself, meaning that you become an instant mom to a child you barely know, when you have no prior experience as someone’s mom.

So now that you are a step mom – what do you do? Well, from my humble experience as a step mom to a wonderful teenage boy, here are some tips on how to be a step mom:

1.  Be yourself

Often times, us as woman and mothers constantly compare ourselves with other woman. The reality is that you are not your step child’s biological mom and that is ok. You need to be yourself and not compare yourself with the child’s biological mom. You are the kind of mom that you can be. That might be different, but it is not wrong. Try to just be yourself and enjoy the experience of being a mom.

2.  Get to know your step children

Take the time to get to know your step children. Learn what they like and dislike, what upsets them and what makes them happy. Learn what makes them tick as this will help you to understand why they do what they do, and how to help them feel welcome and loved in your home.

3.  Let them be themselves

You did not raise your step child and so sometimes they can be somewhat different to how you would have raised your own children. You need to learn to just let them be who they are and learn to love them that way. It is important to set rules and boundaries for your own home that they must abide by when they are there, but let them be who they are and don’t constantly try to change them.

4.  Don’t sweat the small stuff

Bringing children from a previous marriage into a new relationship is always going to have some challenges. You need to be able to identify and differentiate the big issues from the small stuff and not worry about the small issues.

5.  Build your family, however different it is

Bringing together a family with different pasts and children from previous marriages often results in a somewhat messy, confusing bunch all trying to live together under one roof. Realise that this is your family and that you can either build it up or break it down. Determine in your heart to build this new unit – to invest in each member, love each member and enjoy your time together. It is your family, no matter how different it is.
 

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