I wonder if it's a life-stage thing. Perhaps it's the final stage of burnout or the result of boredom. What I am noticing is that those around me are asking "Why?" more: "Why am I running around like a mad woman?" "Why does it have to be so hectic?"

"Why is being at home with my kids just not enough? I climbed the ladder and at the top of the corporate empire", my voice continues to scream, "WHY, and for what, am I doing this?"

Knowing Your Value

I often get to a point where I am so tired of doing and just want to be. The problem compounds because assumptions in my mind keep me running and the addiction of action is too attractive to face the prospect of stopping. "What if I don't keep up with the others? What if my career lags behind? What if I say no? What if they think I am incompetent?"

For many of us, the result of this type of spinning is despair, depression, anxiety, detachment and a feeling of meaninglessness and separation from life, from those we love, and in my case, from God.

Hoarding and Having
Often, it seems there is a realisation that a state of hoarding or having is a never-ending treadmill where enough is never enough. Let us consider "retail therapy". Have you ever felt the dull ache in your soul as you drive home in a car full of (more) packets of stuff? By owning, manipulating and controlling material things, wealth and other people, we hope to find safety and certainty in an otherwise uncertain world. Acquisition and power is often the greatest antidote to peace.

You may say that this is all a bit heavy. Hang in there. Heaviness and even despair has often been for me the greatest gift. I got to a point in my early twenties when I decided that having and power were not going to work for me. I had no idea what was going to work and had a real crisis about what I believed. In fact, I even rejected my faith and my culture, living in a foreign land where I could overthrow all my assumptions. I then slowly rebuilt my life around who I really was and what was really true for me (a never-ending process). What I write about now is as a result of many mini and major life crises and much prayer; about my own existence.

There are days and months where the plot is lost and it's "back to basics". Let's talk about some of the basics of purpose.

Let me start by saying that formulas for finding purpose don't work for me. What we can do, perhaps, is to chip away at the assumptions that hold us back from discovering our true, Divinely-orchestrated selves. We can ask questions and gather the answers from our hearts. We can then look for the new patterns that challenge the old, and make new choices. I borrow ideas and activities that I may have read or experienced along the way. Grab your journal so you can start to chip away!

When we know our function, our "why", then our uniqueness plays itself out in the "how" with passion and balance. I believe that we grow up and form some of our strengths through our roles. Within our stories are secrets and clues to our personal jewels or strengths. How would you be different today if you knew that the hurt, loss and pain of your past were not for nothing? That those events have shaped and even given birth to the value you can add to the world today? We also have hard-wired talents that come from the way our brains and hearts were designed.

In a great book called Authentic Happiness, Seligman speaks of the fact that happiness involves knowing what our "signature strengths" are and then making sure we share these strengths with others for an even deeper level of happiness. His research showed that the happiest souls are those that know and share their talents, but also believe in a greater master plan. They attributed meaning to something or someone greater than themselves.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how at peace would you say you are? Do you know what makes you unique? Are you prepared to take a risk and ask "why"?

First Steps To 'Why?'
"Creative Tension" is a phrase coined by Robert Fritz, and a relevant concept to consider. Imagine an elastic band. At the bottom is your current reality. You would ask "Where am I at?" At the top is your future ideal. "Where do I want to be?" is the question. The top of the elastic creates a good tension because it gives you a vision. It has been written that without a vision the people will perish. Your bones may feel hollow and dry, but a bit of creative tension will start to breathe hope back into them.

Once you know more about the truth of where you are at and where you would like to be, then the third key, according to Fritz, is to make new choices based on what you know. Let's build some creative tension.

Choose an object or an animal that for some reason comes to mind. It can be anything: a heater, a tree, a cat, a teaspoon, a candle (these come to my mind, not yours). Now: very quickly describe that object in as much detail as you can. Start your sentences with "I am... I am old/young/big/small. I do... etc. Write about your function, your surroundings, what you like, dislike etc. Exhaust your ideas. Don't think too much, just observe what comes to mind and put it down.

This little story may be the first step to giving you clues about where you are at. Now, without judging yourself, do you like what the descriptors or the story says? What does it say about where you are at that you may not have really recognised until now? What would you like to change? Are you satisfied with the object you chose but want to change what it does, how it looks or add more or less of some element? Now redraw the same symbols the way you would like them to be or draw a new object that says more about your future ideal. What function would you like to serve? What object would you like others to describe you as? How would you like them to describe you? Write down the new descriptors, functions and words for this object starting each sentence with "I am...".

If you are able to go on, perhaps you could write down one thing you would like to change, even if you have no idea how to do so as yet. Intention is an amazing thing. It sets the course so that new opportunities for action become visible.

A Word On Assumptions
Assumptions are beliefs that may sometimes hold back our growth and peace. A lady I recently worked with believed that her husband's working late meant that she was not loved by him. Imagine the peace when she realised that his working late had nothing to do with the measure of his love for her! Many of our assumptions are taken on in our childhood and can affect how we live or don't live today. Below are a few false assumptions around purpose and meaning. In her book The Path, Laurie Beth Jones highlights these as stumbling blocks:

My Job is My Mission

Right now, it may seem that way, but a mission is always bigger than what we do. Your job may not be able to contain the many gifts and talents that you have. Changing jobs four or five times is not uncommon. The issue here is that life is where you play out your mission- job or no job! If you place responsibility on your job to contain the whole of your mission, job loss, retirement or change is likely to mean a huge identity crisis. Are you sharing your personality, talents and gifts both inside and outside of your job?

My Role is My Mission

Mother, wife, caretaker, career-woman; as women, we tend to strongly attach our roles to our mission. Divorce, children leaving home or a parent dying throw us into a black abyss of meaninglessness. Our mission is far greater than our roles as women. If you realise your mission, your roles change and you can still add value.

I Am Not Important Enough to have a Mission

Scientists agree that a butterfly flapping its wings somewhere in Alaska can affect the atmosphere in Africa. Every word we utter, every action we take, has an effect on the people around us and thus on humanity. Facing this honour or responsibility may just wake us up to the urgency of living our mission fully aware of our every action.

My Mission Needs to be a Huge One Where I Help Many

Many humble mothers with nothing raised great leaders who changed the world. Teachers have impacted your life in ways that they may never know. If you are parenting or teaching, healing or caring for or praying for one another, you can consider your life a success. Your mission is under your nose! When you get that, you can stop diminishing the grand in your back garden.

Do You Need to Scatter Some Purpose-squashing Assumptions?

Back to Reality!

Imagine believing that you are called to impact those around you with your own gifts and talents? How would you be living differently today? Spend the next month looking out for the ways you naturally influence our world. Gather courage and ask your friends and family how they see you impacting the universe. If you left the world, what would they miss?

• Add New

Comments (1)

• |2010-08-12 12:34:15 Liana
  Great article! Wow, awesome inspiration!
  Reply

Write comment

Name:

Email: do not notifynotify

Website:

Title:

Message:

Please input the anti-spam code that you can read in the image.