Although many of us place value in our intellectual capacity, not as many of us truly understand the concept of emotional intelligence – but being ‘heart-smart’ is one of the most valuable skills you can have.

When it comes to happiness, success, and general well-being, most experts agree that emotional intelligence (EI) is as important as intellectual intelligence – if not more so. The concept of EI was first introduced to popular culture by writer Daniel Goleman, and is a crucial element in building strong relationships, excelling at work, and achieving your goals.

What is EI really?

EI is defined as the ability of a person to identify, understand, and use your emotions in a constructive and positive manner. Having the ability to recognize their own emotional states and those of others is a key characteristic of those with high EIs. Experts have agreed that EI consists of four core areas of emotional knowledge and intuition:

• Self-awareness: being aware of the impact of your emotions on yourself and others, knowing your strengths as well as your weaknesses and identifying destructive patterns your emotions cause you to perpetuate.
• Self-management: being in control of these feelings and the way you air them out, breaking out of unproductive emotional ruts and taking initiative in
your life.
• Social awareness: understanding the emotions, needs and concerns of those around you, recognising their value systems, and intuitively understanding verbal as well as non-verbal communication.
• Relationship management: being able to communicate your thoughts and emotions clearly, inspire and encourage others, listen and manage conflict.

Developing your EI

EI is not a skill that can be taught or learnt, but rather a process of engaging certain skills and intuitive knowledge. There are five steps - or abilities – that should be developed in the quest for a strong sense of emotional intelligence.

• Reduce stress: realize when you stress, why, and how. Develop a plan of action for dealing with stress quickly and efficiently, and diminish the destructive impact stress can have on you and those around you.
• Connect with your emotions: keep diaries and find out what makes you tick, and why. When you understand the way you feel, it will make it easier to communicate this to others as well as manage your feelings with confidence.
• Connect with others using non-verbal communication: becoming aware of the message you are sending – wittingly or otherwise – to other people using your body language and facial expression is a crucial step in becoming more emotionally literate. Are there any habits you have that could communicate the wrong message to those around you?
• Use humour and play to deal with problems: laughter and play often help to diffuse tension and to teach participants more about themselves and each other in the process.
• Resolve conflicts positively: stay away from destructive behaviour such as pointless arguing, name-calling and accusations in a situation of conflict. Be aware of other people’s emotions, and treat them with respect – just as you would have them treat yours!

To try an online EI test go to: http://www.queendom.com/tests/access_page/index.htm?idRegTest=1121

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