The teenage years are a stormy time for both parents and their children, but a practical guide by Meg Fargher and Dr Helen Dooley helps parents better understand and connect with their adolescents.

At times is seems strange to think we were all teenagers at some point. They’re strange, fierce creatures: no longer completely dependent on others to make their choices but not yet self-sufficient. Adolescence is a time of great upheaval not just for teens themselves, but certainly for parents who can no longer remember the maelstrom of emotions, hormones and frustration that accompanies the move from childhood to adulthood. It’s a time that calls for a practical approach from parents.

The book, The Adolescent Storm (Penguin Books), provides exactly that. Authors Meg Fargher and Dr Helen Dooley have used their vast experience and knowledge in working with teenagers to create a practical ‘user-friendly’ guide for parents. Fargher has around 24 years’ experience in education, nine of them as the school principal of St Mary’s Anglican School for girls in Johannesburg, while Dr Dooley was the school psychologist for ten years.

The book uses real case studies to give parents an insight into the healthy adolescent mind. The chapters are divided into the 12 months of the year and use the metaphor of seasons and school semesters to illustrate the changing developmental journey of teenagers. November, by the way, is a very handy questions and answers section dealing with issues such as dating, whether teens should be allowed to consume alcohol and how much pocket money should they receive.

Parents, Fargher explains, need guidance about what is normal and when they should be worried. But is there really such a thing as a ‘normal’ adolescent? “Well, is there really a ‘normal’ person?” Fargher throws back at me. Parents need to distinguish between what is dangerous behaviour and what is not. Normal teenage tantrums and withdrawal are usually not dangerous, however exasperating they may be. “The book is a guide, nothing is set in stone,” she says. It aims to show parents that ‘play’ is important and adults need to relearn how to have a sense of fun.

A good relationship between a parent and teenager depends, like all human relationships, on trust. But how do you even get a teenager, a most mistrustful creature, to trust you? “Love, respect and admire them,” Fargher says. The book emphasises listening as a key skill. “You must be deeply interested in your child. That means not fighting their battles for them or making them your best friend or trying to fix things – just listening,” she explains. She says the most liberating question a parent can ask a child is “what else do you think?”

The book’s accolades are certainly impressive, with the blurb containing praise from former Constitutional Court judge, Edwin Cameron, who calls it a “wise, practically grounded book.” The Adolescent Storm is a simple yet thought-provoking read and will help parents navigate the both turbulent and sunny parts of their relationship with their teenagers.

About the author: Andrea has always had an insatiable curiosity and thirst for knowledge. She obtained her Journalism degree at the University of Pretoria and subsequently also completed her honours degree in Visual Studies at UP. She is currently working as a freelance film reviewer and radio news reader. She has a weakness for film and (good) television, and regularly writes reviews for Artslink.co.za and her blog, http://rantandravereviews.blogspot.com. She is also on Twitter under www.twitter.com/AndyvanWyk

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